Getting Back on Track

My son is gone....I spent all day yesterday at the Military Processing Center. He finally left around 3pm. Missing him already. I had another difficult night sleeping. I'm sure this will get easier. Ihave a funeral to go to this morning and then work.

Yesterday, I didn't think to take a fruit of something with me to MEPS. By 1pm, I was feeling truely lightheaded and dizzy. I kept drinking my water, but it wasn't helping. I had to break down and get some PB crackers from the vending machine. I knew it was wrong, but it was the best option in the machine. I ate them and felt better physically, but guilty emotionally. On the way home, after a very sad goodbye, I caved. I stopped by KFC and got one of their bowls, mashed potatoes, chicken nuggets, corn, gravey, cheese. Boy did I screw up. Who knows what the scale will show today. I'm very upset with myself and I know that I am going to have gained and it will show today or tomorrow.

Today I will be back on track and tomorrow I will start my walks again. Guilt is a horrible thing. Stress is a horrible thing. but I must move forward and just let it go. Learn from the mistake, try not to let it happen again and carry on.

Well here goes nothing. Time to get on the scale and see the damage. 223.6 damn.

Oh well...keep calm and carry on

Todays Menu

workout

Snack: egg whites

Lunch: roast beef and cabbage

Snack: 1/2 grapefruit

Dinner: onion crusted veal, asparagus

Snack: ????

Ball of Nerves

It's early and I slept like crap. last night, after dinner, we came home and got my sons things ready to go. By 9:45 we were out the door and on the way to the hotel where he stayed last night. That was hard enough. This morning, he will wake and then go to the Military Entrance Processing Command (MEPS)for his final paperwork and swearing in. Then the group will leave on a shuttle to the airport and off to Lackland Air Force Base for basic training. I was tearing up last night when I dropped him at the hotel, he said "Mom, this is just goodnight, I will see you in the morning." It still stung like a thousand needles.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep well last night and will be leaving soon for MEPS to hang out with him for a little bit, say goodbye and watch him fly off into the wild blue yonder. As much trouble as he can be sometimes., I'm gonna miss him horribly.

Why bring this up? Well, they say stress and lack of sleep can be a big factor in weightloss. there have been a lot of studies that have linked weight loss/gain to stress, depression and sleep deprivation. I am hoping that this doesn't have an adverse affect on the diet. Today I am up 3 lbs. Is it stress, lack of sleep, sadness, or just the Red Lobster I ate last night? Who knows, but the combination of any of those could have done it.

I'm not going to get upset about it. It is what it is. Why add more stress fuel to the fire.

The rest of this morning will probably be one of the most difficult life moments for me. My son will be leaving, I will have an empty nest. I got some comfort last night from a friend who recently sent her son away to Virginia for college. She told me that I would cry, I would walk around in circles not knowing what to do. I would sit in his room and cry. The difference between her and I? She can contact her son everyday. I can't. I'm going to keep a little note pad with questions so that they are ready when he gets the chance to call.

Sigh....it's going to be a  long day.

Menu for the day....totally messed up
Lunch: pack of pb crackers from the vending machine
Dinner: KFC Bowl, coleslaw and a biscuit

Boy do I feel guilty. I would try to justify that it was stress and sadness that made me do it. But that's why I am fat to begin with. I need to quit trying to blame it on the food. The bottom line is that it was my choice to eat those things. I definitely need to work on the emotional aspect of the eating plan.