Okay......I know that some of you can probably relate to this. Being heavy my entire life, and yes I mean entire, I have often been the object of teasing, bullying, snide remarks and stares. I've always had mostly male friends, who adored me, but just as friends. I have been taken advantage of by men, who apparently thought that, because I was fat, I was desparate and would do anything to have them pay attention to me.
I had an experience once. I had lost a bunch of weight, again. Not thin, but much thinner and healthy. In my line of work, you talk to a coworkers on the phone. I started talking to this guy, we talked for hours, for days and weeks on end. We finally took it to the next step and met for breakfast. I was feeling good about myself, walking with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face.
We sat down and shared a few of the obligatory hey, how you doing, nice to meet you's and ordered our food. After that, he looks at me and says, (and this will forever be burned into my memory). "You are not really visually what I had in mind for someone to date" WTF was that. The guy was okay looking, but I'm not shallow.
To his credit, his next statement was. "I guess I'm pretty shallow and should talk to someone about that" Ya think? I politely told him that it was a real shame that he would never get to experience all the wonderful things about me. His loss.
Needless to say, I didn't finish my breakfast, I dropped a twenty on the table and walked out of the restaurant with my head held high. But you know (and you've been there) that inside, I was crushed. I'd worked so hard, and what did it matter? I have, in the past, always been conflicted with my weight issues. I have a very rebellious streak. Part of me wanted to be thin. The other part said "screw you all, if you don't like me the way I am, F*&k Off!. But the reality is, society has painted a picture of the perfect woman (unfortunately, they are very few and very far between) Because of this, men feel that, in order to be successful at relationships, you must conform to what society says is best.
Anyway, this brings me to a little fantasy of mine. I have thought about this for 30 years. In 1973 a movie came out called "The Girl Most Likely To" starring Stockard Channing. The film is about an unattractive young woman who gets in an accident and remakes herself. She then takes comically deadly revenge on her former enemies, tormentors, teasers, dissers and others.
Revenge is sweet and Karma rocks. Stockard Channings character in this film is my hero and I have secretly longed to get thin and well, you know.
Anyway, that's another little motivator I have in the back of my head.
Weight Loss Tracker
Saturday, January 7, 2012
My Goals
I guess this is a good time to discuss my goals for the 42 day HCG Protocol. I am currently wearing size 22 pants and 22-24 blouse. I am not expecting miracles, but I would love to be able to get down to at least a comfortable size 18. My ultimate goal....a single digit jean size. I know I will lose something. I have vowed that, as soon as a pair of pants or shirt is loose on me, it will go into a bag. When it is all said and done, all of it (except for one pair to use as a reminder) will be burned in a ceremonial fashion.
Weight loss goal would be 35 pounds. If I lose more.....that would be awesome.
I really am focused more on size, then weight. I have always weighed more than I looked. In this photo, I was 174 pounds, working out at a grunt gym 5 days a week and wearing a size 12.
So my focus is size, not weight. In fact, I have a pair of size 8 jeans hanging on the outside of my closet door. Just to remind me of where I want to be.
And the most important goal of all is my health. My mother and grandfather both had diabetes. I am a type 2 diabetic currently taking oral medication. Type 2 diabetes is lifestyle related and can almost always be reversed with lifestyle changes.
By reducing stress, eating heathy and moderate exercise will almost certainly reverse this condition. I have already reduced my stress by 1/3. Tomorrow I will begin the weightloss portion and during the maintenance phase, I will get back to exercising, hard.
I have found a great tracker. I have used it in the past. It's free and very easy to use. FitDay.com It tracks your foods, calories, nutrients, carbs, protein, fats, weight goals, everything. It's great. You can print your reports out to put in a binder, show your doctor, etc. check it out.
One More Day
Wanted something so much you can taste it? And I'm not talking about food. I am officially obsessed with getting this diet started. I already have potential load meals in mind. Tomorrow is my birthday so my son is taking me out to dinner. That will be easy. I think I'm going for some sort of fast food sandwich for breakfast. I will definitely be able to fit some ice cream in during the day. Lunch, not so sure. I honestly don't eat that bad on a regular basis. And I definitely dont eat large quantities. So I think I will go for high density fatty stuff. I really don't think I could eat everything on the suggested load menu without getting physically ill. I do love cheese so something cheesy for lunch. And you can bet I will get a giant piece of cheesecake after dinner.
I have my meds set out for convenience, and the scale is ready to go. I'll weigh myself daily, but will keep track of the fat percentage, and bone percentage on a weekly basis. I have a schedule book where I can keep track of days, time, foods, moods, weight, overall feeling about the diet.
My son opened the fridge door and that bottle of dressing I was mellowing fell out and broke. grrrrr.
Time to make some more of that.
I have my meds set out for convenience, and the scale is ready to go. I'll weigh myself daily, but will keep track of the fat percentage, and bone percentage on a weekly basis. I have a schedule book where I can keep track of days, time, foods, moods, weight, overall feeling about the diet.
My son opened the fridge door and that bottle of dressing I was mellowing fell out and broke. grrrrr.
Time to make some more of that.
Prepping for Load Day P1
I've been wondering exactly what I'm suppose to do on load day. What types of food am I supposed to eat? I hadn't a clue: Looking around the internet, I saw a few different examples. This pretty much sums up all of them. Funny, I don't eat that much now in 2-3 days. I've also read....the fattier the better.
1. Not enough fat during load days (first two days of HCG). This might explain hunger and associated crankiness during the first week of HCG low calorie phase. A good load day sample follows:
Sample Load Day
Breakfast: Cream cheese bagel with bacon and sausage, and a ham/cheese omelet.
Mid-morning snack: Donut with whipped cream with strawberries.
Lunch: Pork chop, potato with sour cream, and a roll with butter and a buttered veggie.
Mid-afternoon snack: Ice cream with Oreos.
Dinner: Fettuccini, cheese garlic bread, and salad with full-fat dressing, of course, cheesecake for dessert.
Late-night snack: Ice cream or frozen cappuccino
1. Not enough fat during load days (first two days of HCG). This might explain hunger and associated crankiness during the first week of HCG low calorie phase. A good load day sample follows:
Sample Load Day
Breakfast: Cream cheese bagel with bacon and sausage, and a ham/cheese omelet.
Mid-morning snack: Donut with whipped cream with strawberries.
Lunch: Pork chop, potato with sour cream, and a roll with butter and a buttered veggie.
Mid-afternoon snack: Ice cream with Oreos.
Dinner: Fettuccini, cheese garlic bread, and salad with full-fat dressing, of course, cheesecake for dessert.
Late-night snack: Ice cream or frozen cappuccino
01/07/12
Good morning everyone. 1 day closer to new beginnings. I did realize last night, with all my self-hyping, that the HCG diet and it's principles hasn't really been explained. If you found your way to my blog, you were probably searching HCG. So today I'm going to explain exactly what it is and why it is supposed to work. Remember, this is my first time using it. So I can only comment on what it's suppose to do at this point. I'm just as curious to see what happens.
What is HCG?
HCG stands for Human Chorionic Gonadatrophin. It is a glycoprotein hormone produced during pregnancy that is made by the developing embryo after conception and later by the syncytiotrophoblast (part of the placenta).
What is it supposed to do to aid in fat loss and why?
The HCG Diet is not a new discovery, but was discovered in 1954 by Dr. Albert TW Simeons (1900-1970)
Dr. Simeons discovered that by administering low doses of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG), a water-soluble hormone produced by the fetus during gestation, patients actually began burning fat instead of lean muscle tissue when fed a calorie-restrictive diet.
What has been discovered since that time is that HCG is responsible for the regulation of the hypothalamus gland, which controls metabolism and the use of energy sources in the body, such as fat. While everyone is born with an abundant supply of HCG, this is often depleted by adulthood. Replacement of the HCG hormone by ingesting HCG corrects the imbalance and reprograms the hypothalamus to use fat stores during times of reduced caloric intake.
What this means, in simple terms, is that the HCG diet plan, in conjunction with controlled ingestion of HCG, is, quite literally, a cure for obesity. In many cases, the tendency of the body to store excess fat is recognized as a biological disorder, and the HCG diet plan is a treatment regimen specifically designed to cure and reverse this disorder. to read more go HERE.
Again, the above is what is SUPPOSED to happen. Only time will tell. My journey officially begins tomorrow.
Friday, January 6, 2012
01/06/12
Good morning. Hyped about getting my groceries and making some menus today. I’ve decided along with precooking the proteins, I would precook some of the vegetables too, like spinach and chard (don’t even know what chard tastes like) New day….new experiences. Only 2 more days til the start of this journey. I’ve never been so excited about something. I am determined to make this work. I’m giving 300%.Quick observation, and this really has nothing to do with the diet. But since ending my tumultuous relationship, I am sleeping like a baby. That was a real stress maker. Off for now.
I’ve just finished separating all the groceries I packed. What could be split up, was.
I individually wrapped 3.5 oz of protein, veal, chicken breast, crab, lobster, shrimp and tilapia.
I also measured and bagged, chard, cabbage, asparagus, spinach, fennel and strawberries.
I bought but didn’t separate oranges, apples, grapefruit, tomatoes and cucumber.
I bought green tea and yerba mate tea, I also bought some smooth move tea, just incase I encounter any constipation. I also bought a few more spices, truvia and some olive oil Pam for cooking.
Next, I decided to make up a standard dressing. I used apple cider vinegar, water, crushed fresh garlic cloves that I put in the bottle whole, minced onion, lemon pepper, sea salt, mustard powder, celery seed, beaumount and 1 truvia packet. I shook the whole thing and put it in the fridge. Let’s hope by Monday it is nice and mixed.
This is going to be simple. At lunchtime I will take out what I’m having for lunch and dinner, prepare both at the same time and pack my dinner for work. Easy-peasy, just take out 4 different Ziplocs and pull out 2 different fruits and breads.
The grocery store had 3 liter bottles of Zephyrhills water on sale 10 for $10. According to the instructions, I’m supposed to drink 129oz of water per day. So one of these + a sport bottle and I’m good. I know I probably drink that much now, but this will insure that I do.
At the grocery store, I bought myself some sushi for lunch. Probably my last for a while. And I so love it.
It took a while to get everything packaged up, but will save me a lot of time during the week. Below you can see the results of my effort.
I’ve just finished separating all the groceries I packed. What could be split up, was.
I individually wrapped 3.5 oz of protein, veal, chicken breast, crab, lobster, shrimp and tilapia.
I also measured and bagged, chard, cabbage, asparagus, spinach, fennel and strawberries.
I bought but didn’t separate oranges, apples, grapefruit, tomatoes and cucumber.
I bought green tea and yerba mate tea, I also bought some smooth move tea, just incase I encounter any constipation. I also bought a few more spices, truvia and some olive oil Pam for cooking.
Next, I decided to make up a standard dressing. I used apple cider vinegar, water, crushed fresh garlic cloves that I put in the bottle whole, minced onion, lemon pepper, sea salt, mustard powder, celery seed, beaumount and 1 truvia packet. I shook the whole thing and put it in the fridge. Let’s hope by Monday it is nice and mixed.
This is going to be simple. At lunchtime I will take out what I’m having for lunch and dinner, prepare both at the same time and pack my dinner for work. Easy-peasy, just take out 4 different Ziplocs and pull out 2 different fruits and breads.
The grocery store had 3 liter bottles of Zephyrhills water on sale 10 for $10. According to the instructions, I’m supposed to drink 129oz of water per day. So one of these + a sport bottle and I’m good. I know I probably drink that much now, but this will insure that I do.
At the grocery store, I bought myself some sushi for lunch. Probably my last for a while. And I so love it.
It took a while to get everything packaged up, but will save me a lot of time during the week. Below you can see the results of my effort.
01/05/12
Well, got up this am and called the dr to find out about my kit. I was told that nothing had come in but they would call me when it did and try to get me to the 4pm class. If not, probably the 8am class on Friday morning. We’ll have to see. I’m off to exchange the broken scale (hope that’s not some sort of omen). Going to hit bed, bath and beyone to see if they the Weight Watchers scale that Dr. Bardisa recommended.
A few other errands to run too. Be back later.
A few other errands to run too. Be back later.
I got the Weight Watchers scale that was recommened by the doctor. Got it home, unwrapped it and programmed it for my fat ass. Of course, I had to step on it to make sure it worked. Ugh! It wasn’t pretty. But I have to weigh myself everyday, so it is a must.
I decided to take some photos of myself. I hate having my picture taken on a good day. But I put on a sports bra and a pair of Capri workout pants and got to work. With the camera on timer. I took pictures of my self from every angle. I uploaded the photos and viewed them. Holy Mother of God. When did I grow another pair of boobs on my back? I am a blubberous one. A phrase from the movie Full Metal Jacket came to mind. When the drill sargeant says to a recruit. "Pyle, you look like a pile of chewed bubblegum. Ugh. This adds fuel to my fire and desire to get this weight off. I often wondered why noone finds me attractive. There are a thousand wondeful things about me, but noone wants to open the ugly package. I’m beautiful on the inside. And never really thought I looked that bad on the outside. I remember growing up I was the one with the great personality (aka funny, but I wont date ya). Or people would say "You have such a pretty face", but what they mean was, you have such a pretty face, it's ashame that you're fat. All of this really strengthens my commitment to stick to this program. I really wish I had it in me to share the photos with you, but I just can't. Perhaps at a later date I will have the strength to do that.
I decided to take some photos of myself. I hate having my picture taken on a good day. But I put on a sports bra and a pair of Capri workout pants and got to work. With the camera on timer. I took pictures of my self from every angle. I uploaded the photos and viewed them. Holy Mother of God. When did I grow another pair of boobs on my back? I am a blubberous one. A phrase from the movie Full Metal Jacket came to mind. When the drill sargeant says to a recruit. "Pyle, you look like a pile of chewed bubblegum. Ugh. This adds fuel to my fire and desire to get this weight off. I often wondered why noone finds me attractive. There are a thousand wondeful things about me, but noone wants to open the ugly package. I’m beautiful on the inside. And never really thought I looked that bad on the outside. I remember growing up I was the one with the great personality (aka funny, but I wont date ya). Or people would say "You have such a pretty face", but what they mean was, you have such a pretty face, it's ashame that you're fat. All of this really strengthens my commitment to stick to this program. I really wish I had it in me to share the photos with you, but I just can't. Perhaps at a later date I will have the strength to do that.
I am repulsed at my own body. And when I look at my face, it’s not a happy face. Stress has really taken a toll on me. I’m so glad I got out of the toxic 8 ½ year relationship that I was in and out of. I didn’t’ always look like this.
Now if I can just get my dysfunctional family and finances in order. Maybe I can fix this mess.
After I finished taking my photos and printing it out to keep everywhere in the house, the doctors office called. They said that my kit was ready and asked if I could make it to the 4pm class. After the whole picture thing, I was more than ready. I’ll be back to see what they say.
Well, I’m back. And here’s the scoop.
Medications and Supplements
In the morning
15 units of HCG
L carnitine (increase metabolism and retain muscle mass)
Glucose tolerance pill
Phentermine (appetite suppressant for the first few days)
Noon
Green tea extract pill (energy)
Night
5-htp (amino acid)
Take all my usual medications and supplements as usual.
Meal plan
Morning
Tea or coffee only (no sugar or milk) may use 1 truvia packet per day in total
Injection, supps and meds
Lunch and Dinner (no food for 4 hours after injection)
3.5 oz of protein
Handfull of veggies
Fruit
Melba toast or grissini breadstick
Fruit and bread can be eaten as a snack
DO NOT EAT 2 OF THE SAME THINGS DURING THE DAY
I’m not going to list all the foods, but its very lean bee, veal, chicken breast, crab, shrimp, lobster
Leafy veggies and tomato, cucumber, asparagus
Apple, orange, grapefruit, strawberry
Green tea, coffee, water (including sypho or perrier) only
Water equal to half your body weight in ounces.
That’s it in a nutshell. I have to go back on January 31st and February 28th for weigh-ins, measuring and blood work.
They say I can lose around 40 lbs. Maybe more because I’m so freakin’ fat and because of my blood sugar issues. Hopefully, once I get all the weight off, I won’t have to take those meds anymore.
No strenuous exercising. Call them if there are any complications.
So my first injection is this Sunday, my birthday. The first day, you are supposed to eat as much as you want, whatever you want, the fattier the better. Monday, January 9th, I start the VLCD (very low calorie diet). Can’t wait. If I lose as much as they say, it will be such a boost and motivator.
This evening I am going to put together my grocery list. My plan is to cook a few days of protein, maybe even a weeks worth, in advance and freeze it. I also need to experiment with some sort of dressings for the raw veggies. I cannot eat them dry…aaack. Luckily, the allowed foods list include almost every spice imaginable. Along with lemon juice, apple cider vinegar and olive oil Pam.
Ta-ta for now. Off to make the grocery list.
Grocery list is made, but I’m a little panicked. I cannot find my perscription. I have torn everything apart looking for it. Will have to call the doctor in the am to get another one.
Night~Night
After I finished taking my photos and printing it out to keep everywhere in the house, the doctors office called. They said that my kit was ready and asked if I could make it to the 4pm class. After the whole picture thing, I was more than ready. I’ll be back to see what they say.
Well, I’m back. And here’s the scoop.
Medications and Supplements
In the morning
15 units of HCG
L carnitine (increase metabolism and retain muscle mass)
Glucose tolerance pill
Phentermine (appetite suppressant for the first few days)
Noon
Green tea extract pill (energy)
Night
5-htp (amino acid)
Take all my usual medications and supplements as usual.
Meal plan
Morning
Tea or coffee only (no sugar or milk) may use 1 truvia packet per day in total
Injection, supps and meds
Lunch and Dinner (no food for 4 hours after injection)
3.5 oz of protein
Handfull of veggies
Fruit
Melba toast or grissini breadstick
Fruit and bread can be eaten as a snack
DO NOT EAT 2 OF THE SAME THINGS DURING THE DAY
I’m not going to list all the foods, but its very lean bee, veal, chicken breast, crab, shrimp, lobster
Leafy veggies and tomato, cucumber, asparagus
Apple, orange, grapefruit, strawberry
Green tea, coffee, water (including sypho or perrier) only
Water equal to half your body weight in ounces.
That’s it in a nutshell. I have to go back on January 31st and February 28th for weigh-ins, measuring and blood work.
They say I can lose around 40 lbs. Maybe more because I’m so freakin’ fat and because of my blood sugar issues. Hopefully, once I get all the weight off, I won’t have to take those meds anymore.
No strenuous exercising. Call them if there are any complications.
So my first injection is this Sunday, my birthday. The first day, you are supposed to eat as much as you want, whatever you want, the fattier the better. Monday, January 9th, I start the VLCD (very low calorie diet). Can’t wait. If I lose as much as they say, it will be such a boost and motivator.
This evening I am going to put together my grocery list. My plan is to cook a few days of protein, maybe even a weeks worth, in advance and freeze it. I also need to experiment with some sort of dressings for the raw veggies. I cannot eat them dry…aaack. Luckily, the allowed foods list include almost every spice imaginable. Along with lemon juice, apple cider vinegar and olive oil Pam.
Ta-ta for now. Off to make the grocery list.
Grocery list is made, but I’m a little panicked. I cannot find my perscription. I have torn everything apart looking for it. Will have to call the doctor in the am to get another one.
Night~Night
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