I have a confession........

Okay......I know that some of you can probably relate to this. Being heavy my entire life, and yes I mean entire, I have often been the object of teasing, bullying, snide remarks and stares. I've always had mostly male friends, who adored me, but just as friends. I have been taken advantage of by men, who apparently thought that, because I was fat, I was desparate and would do anything to have them pay attention to me.
I had an experience once. I had lost a bunch of weight, again. Not thin, but much thinner and healthy. In my line of work, you talk to a coworkers on the phone. I started talking to this guy, we talked for hours, for days and weeks on end. We finally took it to the next step and met for breakfast. I was feeling good about myself, walking with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face.

We sat down and shared a few of the obligatory hey, how you doing, nice to meet you's and ordered our food. After that,  he looks at me and says, (and this will forever be burned into my memory). "You are not really visually what I had in mind for someone to date" WTF was that. The guy was okay looking, but I'm not shallow.
To his credit, his next statement was. "I guess I'm pretty shallow and should talk to someone about that" Ya think? I politely told him that it was a real shame that he would never get to experience all the wonderful things about me. His loss.
Needless to say, I didn't finish my breakfast,  I dropped a twenty on the table and walked out of the restaurant with my head held high.  But you know (and you've been there) that inside, I was crushed. I'd worked so hard, and what did it matter? I have, in the past, always been conflicted with my weight issues. I have a very rebellious streak. Part of me wanted to be thin. The other part said "screw you all, if you don't like me the way I am, F*&k Off!. But the reality is, society has painted a picture of the perfect woman (unfortunately, they are very few and very far between) Because of this, men feel that, in order to be successful at relationships, you must conform to what society says is best.

Anyway, this brings me to a little fantasy of mine. I have thought about  this for 30 years. In 1973 a movie came out called "The Girl Most Likely To" starring Stockard Channing. The film is about an unattractive young woman who gets in an accident and remakes herself. She then takes comically deadly revenge on her former enemies, tormentors, teasers, dissers and others.

Revenge is sweet and Karma rocks. Stockard Channings character in this film is my hero and I have secretly longed to get thin and well, you know.

Anyway, that's another little motivator I have in the back of my head.